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Caring For Your Loved One—Are You Ready?Managing the care of an adult loved one can be challenging. Before you make any promises or commitments, decide how involved you’re willing and able to be in the day-to-day caregiving of your loved one. For example, are you only available to visit two or three times a week or can you provide full-time care for your loved one? Can you manage the care of your loved one on your own, or will you need help from other family members or professionals? These questions and more need to be addressed before you make any commitments. Ask yourself the following questions, and be honest! If you do not have time to care for your own needs, you will have a difficult time caring for a loved one. These questions should serve as a guideline only. Adapt them to your own needs and ask additional questions as you see fit.
- How much care does my loved one require per week?
- How long do I expect this caregiving arrangement to last?
- How long can I commit to this caregiving arrangement?
- Will other family members be available to share caregiving responsibilities?
- In what ways can I reasonably redesign my life, activities and family responsibilities to accommodate the caregiving needs of my loved ones?
- Can I rearrange my work schedule to accommodate my caregiving responsibilities?
- Can I afford to take time away from my job to be the primary caregiver for my loved one, if necessary?
- Are there sufficient funds/resources available to hire a professional caregiver if necessary?
- Does my employer offer any adult care benefits?
- Will I be able to give my other family members enough time if I become the primary caregiver?
- Do my family members feel comfortable caring for my loved one in our home?
When answering these questions, and trying to determine how much time you can devote as a caregiver, remember that numerous resources are also available to help. Before making a definitive decision, investigate respite care—temporary care that can be provided inside or outside the home that provides a break for caregivers and socialization and care for an older person. In other words, try not to make a firm decision about your caregiving role until you explore all of the resources available to you. And remember, if your initial plans or arrangements do not work out, you can always adjust or revise them. Additionally, if you determine that you are not capable of providing the care your loved one needs, investigate professional care options.
At-Need Caregiving
Unfortunately, you may not always have time to properly prepare for the role of caregiver. Instead, you may find yourself thrown into the role due to a health crisis or emergency situation. If this is the case, you may need to make fast decisions, sometimes in the midst of a crisis, but do your best to remain calm and think things through clearly and rationally.
If, for example, your loved one is hospitalized, you may need to make arrangements for care after he or she is discharged. At this point, many caregivers are faced with the decision of whether their loved one should move in with them—or whether he or she would be better off in a care facility such as a nursing home. This is a personal decision that should be made by you, your family members and the appropriate professional. All hospitals should assign you a social worker, or discharge planner, who can discuss various options and help you find suitable care arrangements for your loved one. Listen carefully to various options, and investigate as many as possible, before making any firm decisions. Hasty decisions made in the face of a crisis are often not the best ones. If you require additional help developing a care plan, consider hiring a geriatric care manager.
Involving Immediate Family Members In Caregiving Arrangements
If you plan to be the primary caregiver, discuss what it means to your immediate family, especially if your loved one will be living with you. Remember, this is a change for everyone involved, and transitions can be difficult. Call a family meeting to discuss your options. If you acknowledge your concerns, and give your family the opportunity to voice their feelings, you will all adjust more easily to the changes. Here are some suggestions for making the transition as smooth as possible.
- Explain your loved one’s needs and your decision to take on the role of caregiver. Review all the positive aspects of caring for your loved one: renewing or beginning a relationship, strengthening family ties and/or allowing your loved one to live in a home environment for as long as possible.
- Create a plan for integrating your loved one into your family. Discuss roles and responsibilities and determine who will do what and when and also consider roles of other caregivers (family members or professional caregivers).
- Pick a time to meet as a family on a regular basis. Simply knowing that you have a forum to talk about how you feel will help to ease the transition.
- Be willing to revise your plan each time you meet; caregiving roles can change as a loved one’s needs change.
- Make lists of your needs and problems as they arise to help clarify the kind of help that you may need.
- Provide support to one another on an ongoing basis.
- Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes. This is a time of transition, and you will be experimenting with what works and what doesn’t.
Remember, it’s important to acknowledge the difficulty of change and to continue to be loving and supportive of each other, despite the difficulties. The more you work together as a family, the stronger you will become.
Sharing Caregiving Responsibilities With Siblings
Many caregivers depend on siblings for support—physically, emotionally and financially. Unfortunately, however, siblings don’t always respond as you might hope, and the stress of caregiving can reignite old conflicts and create new conflicts. Generally, one sibling ends up assuming a majority of the caregiving responsibilities for various reasons—he or she may be closer to your loved one geographically or emotionally, or he or she may have fewer responsibilities and/or more time to give. In any case, if you are sharing caregiving responsibilities with your siblings, there may be times when you disagree on the best course of action. Try to keep in mind that you all want what’s best for your loved one.
The following tips may help you and your sibling(s) work together without straining your relationship:
- Call a family meeting. Get together with your sibling(s) to discuss your loved one’s situation, what needs to be done and how you can work together to accomplish it. Allow each other to air concerns and tensions, but try to avoid bringing up old conflicts.
- Divide up caregiving responsibilities. Draw up a list of tasks that need to be done—doing paperwork, making phone calls, researching home health care, talking with a lawyer—and divide them up among you and your sibling(s). This will ease the caregiving demands placed on the primary caregiver and help the others provide valuable help and input.
- Write and call siblings at least twice a month to apprise them of your loved one’s current situation and future needs. Be sure to ask for their input—regardless of whether they respond. Keep a copy of all correspondence to avoid future conflicts over any decisions made relating to your loved one’s care.
- Consider hiring a geriatric care manager to help divide up responsibilities or guide decisions about your loved one’s care, especially if you and your sibling(s) cannot agree. Sometimes you might all be more willing to listen to a neutral third party if emotional tensions between you and your sibling(s) run high.
Remember that sharing caregiving responsibilities with your siblings can also be a positive experience. It may be a chance to bond with your siblings despite busy schedules, long distances and different life interests. You may be pleasantly surprised by the renewed and/or strengthened relationships that develop.
Excerpted from "A LifeCare® Guide: Caregiving." Copyright© 2000 LifeCare®, Inc. All rights reserved.
This publication is for general informational purposes only and it is not intended to provide any reader with specific authority, advice or recommendations. Where you deem necessary, we suggest that you seek advice regarding your particular situation from the appropriate professional.
Copyright LifeCare®, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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