Communicating Effectively With Teens
Most teenagers still want to communicate with their parents -- just not all the time. You may need to adapt your method of communication by making opportunities for meaningful conversations and learning to "read between the lines." Privacy, to many teens, is an important part of becoming an adult, and teens may not want to tell you everything that's happening in their lives. This doesn't mean that they are hiding information; rather, it's a sign of becoming more independent. The following tips may help you better communicate with your teen.
Active/Empathetic Listening
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Teenagers often complain that their parents don't listen to them. To listen actively to your teen, be sure your conversations take place at a time and in a setting where your complete attention is available. When your child speaks, listen and then repeat your child's major points by saying, for example, "If I understand correctly, you're upset because your teacher seems to be giving you work that is too advanced." | 
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It also helps to focus on what you perceive to be your child's
feelings about a situation: "I gather you're really angry about
this." In this way, you can avoid misunderstandings and, at the
same time, help your child identify and manage his or her emotions.
Toward the end of the conversation, ask your child if there is
anything else he or she would like to talk about and make reference
to the discussion. Over the next few weeks, follow up; for example,
ask about the level of work the teacher is assigning, how your
child is managing it, and how he or she feels now. By reminding
your child of the conversation, you show that you were listening --
and that you care.
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Empathize With Your Teen |
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Everyone, including your teen, needs empathy -- listening without judgment and connecting on an emotional level. For example, if your son complains about the way a teacher treated him, try not to lecture about how he should make an effort to get along better with the teacher; that won't ease his frustration. Instead, listen with a sympathetic ear and tune in to your son's emotions. Think about how you would feel if you had a conflict at work; do you want someone to listen, or hand out advice? Instead, reassure your child that you understand by acknowledging his or her feelings and offering empathy, support and guidance. |
Talking With Your Teen
Meaningful conversations with your teenager can be extremely
satisfying. An exchange of thoughts, ideas and observations with
your teen opens the door, even if just an inch or two, to the many
changes he or she is experiencing. It can reassure you that you are
doing a good job as a parent; or, at other times, a conversation
might tip you off to situations to watch out for. When talking to
your teen, consider the following tips:
- Avoid lecturing. Teens generally
don't like to hear how things used to be or how you think they
should be -- and may tune you out.
- Don't act as if you have all the
answers. Ask your child for his or her ideas on how to
handle situations. This shows you value your teen's thoughts and
opinions.
- Keep any judgmental thoughts to
yourself. Stick with the subject at hand.
- Allow your child to talk without
interruption until he or she gets to the point. It may take
your child a few minutes to state what is really on his or her
mind.
- Show respect for your child's point of
view, even if you don't agree with it.
- Develop common interests with your child such as a sport or favorite movie. Enjoying similar interests and hobbies provides a rich source from which to draw for future conversations.
Tip: Your child should be aware of your schedule and how to reach you at all times. Although teenagers may act as if they don't care, it may make them anxious not knowing your whereabouts and how to get in touch.
Developing Opportunities for Communication
With so many responsibilities and time pressures facing families
today, opportunities for family communication can be few. It's
important, though, to set aside quality, face-to-face time together
to promote communication and assure your child that you are
available and accessible. Consider the following approaches:
- Build structure. Consider making one
dinner a week mandatory for all family members, allowing no
telephone interruptions or visits from friends. This gives family
members a chance to talk about what's going on and to focus on each
other.
- Seize the moment. Catch up with your
child whenever you have an opportunity, though this may require
some spontaneity. Being in a car together is almost always a good
chance to talk; ordering a pizza to share when you have a quiet
night at home is another way to catch up.
- Eliminate distractions. Cutting down on household distractions, such as the radio and television, sets the stage for conversation. Try not to bury yourself in the paper or a book when it's possible to have real communication.
Source: "Positive Parenting Strategies For
The Teenage Years." Copyright LifeCare, Inc. All rights
reserved.
This publication is for general informational purposes only and it is not intended to provide any reader with specific authority, advice or recommendations. Where you deem necessary, we suggest that you seek advice regarding your particular situation from the appropriate professional.
Copyright LifeCare®, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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